The 100% cotton unisex classic tee will help you get free rent, drinks, and food at local establishments where the arts are appreciated and revered. You will also get laid more because everyone will love you. If you wear it into Safeway you'll be able to just walk out with groceries. Draft reinstated? Not if you’re a local author! Car repossessed? Not you, show the repo man your shirt! Need a loan? Wear the shirt into a bank and just get free money. Need to go to the doctor? It’s free when you wear the shirt!

You wrote a book. Now you can live off the fruits of your labor!

(Offer not valid if you are JK Rowling ‘cause you suck.)